Friday, February 1, 2013

Where to Retire...

This morning on my way into the local post office, I was stopped by a man who asked about the license plate on my car. "Gotta ask you about that license plate," he smiled. "What does that mean?"

"It means I used to live in [another state]," I replied.

"Well, that has always sounded like a perfect location. Why the heck did you move here?"

"This is where I grew up," I replied. "Besides, [that other state] isn't fit to live in any more. Too much has changed."

"Oh, I see. I used to live somewhere else, too," he added.

People -- including total strangers -- often seem interested in the life story of other people and how they chose where to retire. Most folks have a reason for making a move. They might have chosen to live near family, former friends, perhaps where the climate is more to their liking. Reasons are personalized according to each situation. One thing remains: the curiosity about why they made a move at all.

We all aspire to find the ideal place to retire. Then there is the actual moving to that area, sometimes a bit more complicated. Maybe if we pick the correct location, everything will fall into place.

Today's conversation brought to mind this little piece I found some time ago. Thought you might enjoy it on this winter's afternoon. (No offense intended to anyone.)

You can retire to South Texas, where... 
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave the county.
3. You have over 194 recipes for Mexican food.
4. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
5. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and extremely HOT!


You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is backing down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The 4 seasons are: fire, flood, mud, and drought.


You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You've worn out a car horn.
5. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for corn casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with fewer than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


You can retire to Tennessee where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy live bait in the same store.
2. Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
4. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.
5. You actually like grits.


You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
5. People have to encourage you to become more anxious about life.


You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


You can retire to South Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you appear to be driven by headless people.
See, it's all a matter of choice. So if you are beginning to contemplate a retirement move, take all these factors into consideration.

And remember that it doesn't really matter where you live as long as you feel at home and enjoy life!

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