Friday, April 20, 2012

Ah, Summer

Warm weather will sweep in any day now. If sunny days and stuffy, humid air haven't arrived yet in your area, they will be there shortly.

Many sensory associations go along with summer. The swimming pool chlorine. The smell of fresh cut grass on a warm day. Oh, speaking of odors, what ever happened to bathing? Some folks apparently find showering too much bother. This can be disturbing enough any time of the year, but in summer…

Summer also means being confronted by a large percentage of people who have no idea how bad they look in summer clothing.

On my journey to maturity, I've learned to recognize which fashions look good on me and which do not. The ones that do not inspire self confidence are discarded.

Here's an open message to the overweight woman I saw in the grocery today. Yes, you in the thin white T-shirt without underwear. You, over by the bread aisle with every inch of your skin covered in tattoos. Next time before you leave the house, stop at the bathroom mirror and see what you think. Is the world somehow enriched by the vision of your mature body unrestrained by underwear? Think about at least wearing a bra. Do everyone a favor.

The time to shed clothing might be a good time to consider shedding weight. If that isn't in the cards or you can't get motivated, here are some summer wardrobe suggestions for both sexes:

1. Men, if you are unable to tuck in your shirt, at least find one that is large enough to cover the flesh of your belly. Many XXL or bigger sizes are readily available.

2. Garments that cling to the shape of your body are not necessarily slimming. If the ripples of your excess poundage are clearly outlined beneath the stretched fabric of clothing, it is time to do a little shopping.

3. I like wearing flip flops. They are inexpensive and comfortable. However, please note they aren't for everyone and shouldn't be worn everywhere. If you are going to wear any type of sandals, perform rudimentary maintenance on your feet. Visible appendages should be clean and relatively manicured.

4. With some exceptions, shorts are passable on most people until about the age of 45. After that, the chances of shorts being your best fashion statement are greatly reduced. Individuals with piano or stork legs or whose legs are decorated by deep blue vein patterns might want to select capris or cropped pants instead. Just a thought.

5. Women over the age of 30 should think twice about low-rise pants. I recently spotted a middle-aged woman at the post office sporting a pair of jeans barely covering her essential areas. She was exhibiting a large, winged tattoo just north of her derriere. Perhaps such displays are best revealed during private moments.

6. Last, but certainly not least, are swimming suits. Perhaps the less said here the better. If you need a swimming suit, make sure it "moves with you" and won't garner attention for the wrong reasons. And if you are thinking about getting one more season out of a suit you have owned for a dozen years, might want to update a bit.

These suggestions are based on personal observations and not meant to dampen your summertime enthusiasm. Relax, enjoy the season and watch to see if I'm not right!

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